Top 12 Guys (another 2 hours gone) 2/19/08

The view from Mt Superior is pretty clear tonight. What a less-than-magnificent start to Season 7! I think they need to stop announcing that this is the most talented bunch ever…..

I’m thrilled to see that Incoherent Paula has returned to the show. I’m not sure whether she’s impaired or just not bright enough to string related words together into sentence form. I commend Simon for telling her more than once that he did not understand a single word she was saying-although she did not seem affected by that, either. She is far more entertaining when she’s babbling than when she’s being sincere and I’m happy to have her back.

Randy, Dawg, just keepin’ it real MAAAAAN…but "More originality in the dudes this year, MAAAAN-yo yo you just keep it real…" Huh?

Simon, welcome back-some things never change-like your t shirt and hair

Ryan-I’m tired of his "WELCOME to A-MER-ican Idol" and the first time he shouted WELCOME BACK I heard "welcome back my friends to the show that never ends…ladies and gentlemen…EMERSON LAKE AND PALMER" and the first strains of Lucky Man/Take a Pebble in my head…but maybe that was just me. Ryan is one the most overexposed "personalities" in the world-I miss Dunkelman from Season 1.

Broad statements and sweeping advice to all….

1. Straight is fine, gay is good-but don’t make yourself into a caricature. Pick a gender and stick with it all season. If it doesn't work out, change it AFTER you’re booted off.

2. If you feel compelled to wear a bandanna-don’t. If you tuck a hankie in your back pocket, choose one smaller than an afghan.

3. Go bald gracefully if that is your lot in life. Dying your hair orange, combing it over from back to front, and hiding it under stupid hats is not convincing.

4. Contrasting stripes in your hair are NOT highlights-they make you look like Pepe Le Peu

5. Don’t argue with Simon-just don’t-you cant win and you look egotistical and lose the sympathy vote in a split second-always a big mistake to argue with any of the judges

6. Your race is absolutely limited by your parents’ races. If they are both white, you are stuck being white-dreadlocks change nothing, and belting out a song while impersonating Whitney/Aretha/Chaka Khan does not make you a sister, no matter how hard you try. Deal with it.

7. Comb your hair before you appear on TV. Looking like you just rolled out of bed may be the epitome of high fashion, but what is your mother thinking?!??

8. It’s way too early in the season for backup singers on stage with these kids-they mostly look confused or terrified-give them a few weeks to work on their nerves

 

David Hernandez-

I liked him even though the judges were so-so-probably in my top 3 of the night-think this guy has potential if he can loosen up a bit

Chikezie-the biggest disappointment of the night by a mile. Although I loved the Napoleon Dynamite orange suit, it distracted me because I was wondering if he had tots in his pockets. He sang poorly, and the winking, flirting and playing to the camera was just cheesy. See #5 above-may have been a fatal mistake combined with his awful performance-even though he has a great name and a great smile. I would like to change my name to Chiketta.

David Cook-does anyone else remember the Martin Short SNL character Ed Grimley? "I must say…" This guy has his hair! Looks like a slob, not that impressive-see #2, #3 and #7. Don’t hold the mike stand like a weapon or twirl it around. Rocker Wannabe.

Jason Yeager-absolutely mediocre except for the hair-it’s the "reverse Leno"-instead of white with a black tuft, this guy has black hair with a single white tuft….maybe it’s a Cruella DeVil obsession. Don’t care that he has a son who thinks he is the next Idol. Don’t care that he had the boy when he was far too young. Give him his memo and move on. See #1 and #4

Robbie Carrico-red flag-BANDANNA- see #2. His band toured with Brittney Spears?? Really? I guess suggesting that we look at where she is today would be cold. Sounded ok-but the judges loved him for some reason. I was not thrilled but he wasn't that bad.

Little David Archuleta-stole the show even though he loses his voice on the lower notes. This is the kid who recovered from paralyzed vocal cords-so it was even more impressive. For 17 he’s very comfy on stage and performed well. Definitely one to be reckoned with. He’ll need to lose the "what? You like me? You really like me??" stuff after the judges praise him or risk the Melinda Doolittle trap.

Danny Noriega-somewhat disturbing kiddo-see #1-his first walk on stage and he chose to vogue and pose like Marilyn Monroe?!?? Then did an Elvis song after telling us he was planning to bring the swagger and the attitude and he wanted to be HOT? Jaw-dropping at times, but not in the best way. This was Paula’s biggest walk down the pathway of incomprehensible blathering-Simon started picking and the judges bickered for a while on camera-Danny salvaged his entire performance with his "I guess some people weren't’t liking it!" SNAP that even made Simon laugh. This boy is a puzzle-may be interesting to watch him find himself.

Luke Menard-aka Kenny Loggins in the early days-cute guy, nice voice-nothing remarkable but certainly not bad. Not sure he’ll last-Simon tagged him forgettable and hit the nail on the head.

Colton Berry-MOST ANNOYING of the evening-beginning with his announcement that he looks like Ellen Degeneres. Very Broadway, over the top, too busy performing to sing well. Saying that he sings the teletubbies theme when he gets nervous was stupid-and his love affair with Paula Deen on the food network (on the 11pm news on Fox right after the show) was just pathetic. Sounded ok, but he needs to decide who he is and get on with it-he’s all over the place now trying to be on camera and in the center of attention…I don’t know if he’s that good See #1

Garret Haley-aka Leif Garret-sounds like a girl, hair like a girl, pasty like a cadaver-looks sickly and weak and cant sing. All of which explains why we have not seen him up until now-no reason to!! He’s out this week-no doubt.

Jason Castro-dreadlocks boy-see #6. Played his guitar and sang. I was underwhelmed and then the judges LOVED him. He seemed shocked at the judges feedback and so was I. Paula’s rambling took us down the "hooked back into you….effortless and joyful…colors of you….walkway of dementia. Would like to see him perform again to see what I missed-I think he’ll be safe for a while-he’s cute (except for the hair)

Michael John-a real pro, comfortable on stage, had the audience on their feet. Vocals were not spectacular but he did very well and I agree with the judges that he’s charismatic and has "it."

I don’t think I agree with the judges on the top 3 performances-based on their feedback, they liked David A, Jason C. and Michael/Robbie-I’d say David A, Michael and David H were my favorites.

I predict Garret Haley and either Luke Menard or Jason Yeager will be going home on Thursday.

Hope the girls are more interesting.